Generation X Life Support

Have you seen these car window memorials?  These are pretty popular here in NJ. 

I’ll try to tread lightly on this topic because I realize 9/11 wasn’t too long ago and we are currently fighting 2 wars.  And let’s face it - losing someone you love is very sad. 

But your car window???  Is this really how someone should be remembered?  Not to mention, why would you want to be reminded of such tragic things every time you get into your car? 

About 3 weeks ago my wife and I stopped at a traffic light.  I looked over at the white, mid 1990’s generic GM sedan next to us and saw a relatively young girl at the wheel, chain smoking away.  I take a look at the back window and I saw one of these memorials, which read “R.I.P.  John (Last Name Here) 1982 - 2007“. 

What’s so funny about that?  Well above his name was (apparently) his favorite quote, which read “ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE“. 

Well Johnny, it seems fairly obvious that you weren’t strong enough to survive and this attention starved lady driving the car apparently wants the world to know it. 

Folks, this is why we have cemeteries and tombstones…  And please…  PLEASE think hard about the words used to remember your loved ones.

Just a little advice the next time you replace or upgrade to a new iPod - get your name and number engraved on it.

I know you might be thinking of something clever since engraving is free, but here’s my advice - keep it simple.  Your name and your number is all you need. 

While traveling on vacation this past week, I had my “lost” iPod returned to me on the plane before I even knew it was lost.   Apparently, while waiting for my flight at the gate, I either left it on the seat or dropped it while walking to board the plane. 

An airline employee returned it to me on the plane as we were all boarding.  And thank goodness!  It was a four hour flight and they were showing “Marley and Me”, which I had seen on a previous flight 1 month earlier. 

Oh, and that movie sucked.

I know I’m probably stating the obvious here, but now you have me as a living example.  Besides, what else would you put there - “I Wanna Rock”, “Hang Loose”, “Keep on Truckin”, “It’s 4:20 Somewhere on the Planet” or “I Love Mom”?

Lame…

The three of us here at genxls do more than bitch about the government, give health advice, tell family stories and swap wives on Wednesday nights (ok, we might be overdoing it with the family stories).  Believe it or not, we also go to work 5 days a week (sometimes more, sometimes less) and have been working in corporate America longer than any of us care to remember.

As a project manager for 10+ years, I often hear about new ways to improve PM methodology, process flows and requirement gathering, but one challenge constantly overlooked is how to manage a worker your project is dependent upon without the authority to punish them, intimidate them, reward their performance or increase their compensation.

As projects come up, they will all have varying degrees of challenges, requirements, risks and difficulty levels, but managing without authority is probably the most consistent challenge/risk that applies to every project regardless of industry, scope or goal.  I hope the following bullets help provide you with some ideas to help deal with this challenge.

• Reach out to “everyone” when determining your stakeholders. Don’t make assumptions that a functional area or owner is not going to be affected by your project scope.  A simple phone call or addition to an outlook meeting invite can mean the difference between a successful project launch or a painful software rollback because “we forgot that one dude”.  Keeping people aware and involved not only covers your ass, but it helps build trust and they will appreciate you thinking of them.
• It’s not all about “the business”. When you call someone about a deliverable or some project element, take a few minutes to ask how they are doing, how the family is, etc.  Warming up to people will go a long way and will help build trusted relationships and a positive experience when you reach out to someone.  Besides, who wants to otalk about work stuff for 8 - 12 hours a day?  Have a chat about sports, TV shows, pets and vacations.  How would you act at a family party of a new girlfriend or boyfriend if you really like him/her?
• Do NOT let reputations be your guide. Every office has one - the hard-ass in Accounting, IT or Legal that everyone dreads working with.  That person may be a total asshole, but so what?  Why not attempt to have the same conversations you would with an easy-going person?  Why not say hello to him/her in the office?  Did you just get off the phone with them and they seemed like they were in a shitty mood?  Drop a candy bar off at their desk, or send them a funny email joke.  Make’em laugh!  And did you ever consider that the reason they may be an asshole is because they have to deal with schmucks like you every day?  I’ve actually been able to get some special treatment by some very notorious office personalities by simply dropping off a 60 cent candy bar on their desk as a thank you.
• Do on to others. Want respect for your process?  Well, that’s a 2 way street.  If some project stakeholder asks you to fill out a form or a work request to get on their work schedule or to show their boss what they had to do that week then do it.  Sure, bitch about it later or bitch to yourself as you fill it out, but still do it. And do it right!  That’s what they need to get their job done, so make their job easier.  When you respect other group’s processes, even when these people’s processes (and personalities) are notoriously difficult or asinine, they just might surprise you with some quality support, and might even forgive you when you have the occasional screw up.
• Ask everyone and anyone. Be open to suggestions, no matter who does the suggesting. Sometimes explaining your dilemma to someone who isn’t a stakeholder in your project can yield some good advice or show you something you missed. I’ve shared work stories with my wife and father and while they might not be able to offer the solution to a problem, they might be able to give guidance on dealing with a difficult person. This also applies to fellow employees at the office. If you’re having a brainstorming session about how to market a new product or promotion, invite someone from finance or accounting. They shop just like the customers you’re targeting. Since they work at the same company, they just might have something to contribute. Besides, inviting them to the session could help build a sense of trust and support for a project they might be a stakeholder for down the road.
• Flattery may not get you everywhere, but it doesn’t hurt. Did someone do a good job for you? Send their boss an email or a note about how awesome they were. Did a person go ahead and do the bare minimum they had to do for you to get your contract approved or your system enhancement deployed on time and on/under budget? Well, that’s helpful, too! If that guy/gal wasn’t there to “flick the switch” or hand the contract to the CEO for a simple signature, where would you be without them? Why shouldn’t he/she get some brownie points, too?
  

Anyway, I hope these tips help you in your career, so good luck!

Now that we’re easing into the second month of the new year, I’m sure a lot of the ‘resolutioners’ are starting to run out of steam on their weight loss programs. Motivation can come in many forms, but it honestly seems hard to come by. Aside from adopting a sensible and unintrusive program, the best way to stick to it is to regularly visit forums.

Fitness forums are a great place to share ideas, to ask questions, and to learn from others. Most sites have their own moderators that post responses and offer advice. Whether you have 10 minutes or 2 hours, you can always find motivation. My personal favorite is training.fitness.com. It’s an active site with an excellent set of ‘regulars’ that are eager to share their successes and opinions.

I know it can be a daunting task to make changes to your diet and implement a consistent exercise routine, finding motivation is key. Make it a point to visit a forum daily and you’ll be counting the minutes until your next workout.

I can not only say I know first hand what it’s like to be laid off, I’m living it right now. After years of wishing of being independently wealthy so I didn’t have to get up and go to work, I realize now that not having a reason to get up can be tougher than you think. Sure, at first it’s nice to be able to sleep in a little, brush up your resume, follow up on leads, take a nap! However, after a few weeks it can be challenging to stay motivated, and well, avoid boredom.

The foremost problem is that without a reason to get up, there ’s no reason to go to bed. Late night movies, TV, and informercials soon become a staple. As a result, of course, you start getting up later and later. Before you know it, you’re rolling out of bed at noon and watching court TV all day. This is not only unhealthy for your body, but it’s brutal on your spirit. Depression soon sets in and the will to be true to a job search soon waivers. To avoid these pitfalls, I offer the following advice:

1) Keep on schedule - I now make it a point to get up early. Of course, I’m not crazy, it’s no longer 5:30am, but it will be much easier to return to form when I do land a job. Pick a time that works for you and keep it consistant.

2) To do list - Just as you had a daily itenerary at work, put together a list of things you want to do for the day. This will not only keep you motivated to get things done, it will keep your mind and body busy. As much as we hate to admit it, our brains and bodies are made for work.

3) Pick up a new hobby - If you’re the type that thirsts to learn, trying something new will give you the mental focus and challenge you’re craving. It will stimulate your brain and revitalize your spirit. If nothing comes to mind, hit the local bookstore and do a little research.

4) Keep relaxation limited to the evening - Just as you did when you were working, save the evenings for time with your family or your favorite TV shows. What you want to avoid is sitting in front of the TV or Computer all day long so that you no longer appreciate it. Avoiding this tip is a quick way to find yourself completely bored and frustrated.

5) Exercise - How many times have you said that the main reason you don’t exercise is because you don’t have the time? Well, there goes your big excuse. I recommend doing it early. Not only does it get it out of the way, but it will get you revved up for the rest of the day. It’s difficult to get the hear pumping and then just sit down and veg.

I must admit, I’ve been dealing with a case of writer’s block lately, and have slacked off on my blogging.  I think it’s because I’ve been a bit overwhelmed at work lately. We recently went through a round of layoffs (as everyone has) and while I’m thankful for still having a job, my workload has pretty much doubled.

But I couldn’t let this day go by without saying something about its significance.  It truly is a historic day.  Not only have we seen the election of the first African American President in our nation’s history, we also saw the brilliance of our political system and how it actually supports true, peaceful revolution.

Sure, it’s great that record numbers of Generation X and Y voters turned out and voted for change, but it was also an example of a revolution by voters using the parameters of the constitutional system, as designed by our Forefathers.  We did it without violence, murder and riots.  We did it with our election process, which is quite effective when people participate, honesty prevails and the law of the land is upheld.  It was a democratic, civilized revolution by people who chose to exercise their right to vote for change.

Now I realize that only time will tell whether or not this day was the beginning of a revolution, or just the same old same old.  But I’m going to be hopeful and optimistic, something I will have to re-learn to do after the past 8 years.  But maybe this really is the beginning of a new chapter, where the good of the people truly rises above greed and Obama will hopefully lead by example.

Sounds like something worth believing in.  I think I’ll give it a try.

My dog has OCD.

Let me explain…

So you know those elevated dog bowl trays you can get at any Petco or PetSmart that elevate dog bowls off the ground, so they do not have to bend over to eat off the floor?  Well, we have one for our dog, Rocky.

Apparently these elevated trays are specifically designed to “promote better digestion” and “reduce air swallowing”.  I assume reduced air swallowing is supposed to reduce dog farts, but no one has explained that to Rocky.

Anyway, when I feed Rocky, I usually put his water bowl in the left tray hole, and his food bowl in the right tray hole, as pictured here:

Rocky Eating Food

Last week, without realizing, I placed his water bowl on the right side of his tray and his food bowl on the left.  I then proceeded to sit down at the kitchen table and chat with my wife.  As we were talking, we were interrupted by a dog whine.  We looked over to see him refusing to eat his food.  He just stared at me.  So I said, “Go ahead and eat, Rocky,” and resumed my conversation.  As soon as I started talking, he whined again.

I got up and checked out his food bowl.  Everything looked normal, so I once again encouraged him to eat with a pat on the head.

He just continued to stared at me and wagged his tail.

I was now perplexed.   I asked my wife what she thought was wrong.  She looked at the arrangement of his bowls and said,  “Oh, maybe he’s upset because his bowls are out of place.”

My wife swaps his bowls, pats him on the head, and without hesitation, the dog proceeds to eat every bit of kibble.

What goes through a dog’s head that makes him NOT want to eat because his bowls are not in the “right” order?  Do wolves only eat their kill on the right side of their favorite watering hole?  Apparently, it doesn’t matter what they eat, as long as it is on the right hand side of a water source.

Anyway, I am now wondering what the marketplace demand is for Doggy Feng Shui?  Hey don’t laugh.  I now have doggy therapy to pay for!

I possess the power to stop time. Crazy, right? I would have thought so too - had I not experienced it. This is some “Unbreakable” shit I’m talking about.

For your consideration:

I was standing near the bottom of the steps that lead upstairs in my home. My wife was getting our 2yr old son ready for bed. As I sipped my coffee and watched the weather report, I could hear them in his bedroom laughing and chatting. The scene was nothing more then ordinary.

On the TV, they were predicting some nasty weather. “Great…” I thought to myself. I had to leave for work in an hour and was running through the evening in my head.

From over my shoulder I heard the familiar patter of my son’s feet as he ran around playfully - I knew he was goading my wife into chasing him.

“WATCH OUT!” my wife called. There was panic in her voice.

I turned my head and out of the corner of my eye I saw our son’s feet slide off the top landing of the steps.

Time stopped. He appeared suspended in the air.

He was wearing his pajamas and socks. Obviously he had run away from her towards the steps but couldn’t stop as his socks slid on the hard wood floor. His expression was changing from laughter to confusion.

His body lowered in the air a tiny bit as the clock ticked forward. He reached for something, anything, to grab - but there was nothing but air.

I spun on my heels and extended my arm, hooking him under his arms and stopping his decent. His face just barely made contact with the top of the second step as I lifted him.

The clock ticked forward.

I held him to my chest and examined him. Nothing seemed broken. Nothing was bleeding. He was startled but already calming down. Injuries amounted to a fat lip that lasted less then 24hrs.

And I never spilled a drop of coffee.

Ever wonder how they pick Generation names?

* The Cartoon’s original source is unkown, this was a viral email attachment.  The authors of genxls in no way take credit for its publication

From the title of this post, I guess you can tell I’m in a silly mood, and feel like writing something.  So I’m gonna write something.

Something.

OK who didn’t see that coming.

Anyway, I know we’re only 7 days into the new year (8 if you live in Australia), but I thought I’d share some observations and goofiness from the past 7 days… or whatever.

Namaste, Bitches!

I just finished doing yoga 30 minutes before I started writing this post.  This is my 3rd session in the past 7 days.  This is not necessarily a new year resolution - I started doing Yoga in 2008.

I Love Yoga. I really do.  Now, if you know me, grew up with me, ever hung out with me or just saw me, you’d say, “There’s no way this bearded Ogre does Yoga.”  Well, F  you.  I do.  And I like it.  However, my biggest challenge getting in Yoga workouts these days is this “lifestyle imbalance” I have.

Due to my huge daily work commute, I have to get up at 5:10 AM every morning.  But by nature, I’m a night owl.  I love the night!  I like the dark, I like late night TV (Adult Swim!), I like to watch stars, planets and the moon, and I like the serenity of the world at night.  It’s nice.  But the downside is staying up late means waking up late, which I can’t do.  But, I can’t get to bed early.   Therefore, every day of my life, I never get enough sleep.  I know, you’re thinking, “well what about the weekends?”  Well, unfortunately, getting up at 5:10  and getting the dog fed and taken out by 6:30 4 or 5 work days a week means that my buddy has to wake my ass up no later than 7AM on the weekends.  Ugh!

But who can get mad at this face:

But seriously, guys, it is a great way to lose weight, feel youthful,  increase flexibility, reduce chronic body aches, and reduce stress.  And it’s very low impact on joints.  Take it from a guy who has had 3 knee surgeries on 1 knee, and is going to probably need a fourth this year.  Yoga actually helps reduce my arthritis pain. 

Ben Stiller.  Please go Away….

I saw Tropic Thunder 2 nights ago, and I can’t describe, from a comedic perspective, how weird this movie was.  Parts of it were hilarious.  Parts of it were awful.  Tom Cruise was funny, only because this was the last friggin character anyone would ever envision him playing.  Robert Downey, Jr was friggin hilarious in this movie, which goes to show how versatile he is.  Jack Black was funny, but there really wasn’t much to him in this movie, other than some funny fart scenes and a humorous portrayal of a coke head.  Thumbs in the middle for him.

Which now brings me to Ben Stiller.  Why doesn’t he just go away?  I can’t stand this guy playing the same whiny, bitch of a character in every fucking movie he does, while he uses the same 3 facial expressions in all his scenes.  I just don’t think he’s funny.

To Blu-ray, or not Blu-ray?

So, I’m thinking about updating my entertainment system later on this year, and I’m wondering if should I just get a new DVD player or should I finally jump on that realllllllly slow moving Blu-ray train?  Any thoughts?…..Any one?……..Bueller?  I know that if I decide a BR player is essential, then I will get a Sony PS3.  I don’t really need it for gaming, since I already xBox 360, but considering the price of a good BR player vs the Sony PS3, the PS3 is a greater value.  At least it was a year ago.

Obama worse President-Elect EVER!

I keep seeing people on the internets making these anti-Obama comments, like his administration (which isn’t even in power yet) will be one that creates American Socialism and that Obama is going to redistribute wealth.

Well, what about  the “Wealth” of our nation being stolen from US tax payers in the form of trillions of dollars in bail outs to banks and car companies under GW’s administration?  Instead of “Obama’s Redistribution of Wealth” plan, I think it would be more appropriate to call it a “Return on a Forced Investment in Corporate America” plan.

But I can see why you’d be pissed if you make more than $150K a year.  Your tax rate will return to the same levels under Clinton’s Administration, which also happened to yield 8 years of prosperity and a government surplus.  Man that sounds rough after 8 years of all those dividend tax brakes from Bush.  Sucks to be that guy, huh?

Well, I’m done here.

Thank you.  Please drive through.