Generation X Life Support

For the past few days, I’ve been catching some snippets here and there on the Democratic National Convention, mostly from the one trusted source I can count on, the Daily Show.

It amazes me that followers of Hillary Clinton just can’t seem to let go.

While many analysts and “experts” say she didn’t do much to effectively endorse Obama (her most dramatic statement served only to reject McCain, rather than promote Obama), I think she pretty much did what she had to – she rejected the GOP and (mildly) endorsed Obama.

So what more do Hillarites, want?

Listen folks, I’m no political expert, but when you put the person ahead of the issues, that’s a problem.

So Dem’s who wanted universal health care (high on the list for both Obama and Clinton), an end or clear timeline to end the war (championed by both Obama and Clinton), preservation of woman’s rights over their own bodies (both want preserved, as opposed to McCain, who wants Roe v Wade overturned) and several other issues that clearly differ from the GOP’s platform, they’d rather use their vote to protest their party than unify to support the cause.

Sickening.

Just some advice to the Hillarites out there – Please think about swallowing your pride and vote for Obama.  Put the cause before the person.  This is a democracy, not a monarchy, and we should not assume anyone in this country is entitled to the presidency.  Didn’t we learn anything from the Bush administration?

When asked ‘what’s in a hot dog?’, many of us Gen Xer’s might jokingly answer with ‘Lips and Assholes’. I’m, of course, referring to the line from the John Candy/Dan Ackroyd cult classic ‘The Great Outdoors’.  Surprisingly, though, most of us don’t have a clue what goes into the summer BBQ staple.  I’m pretty sure we know it’s not the best part of the pig, but we’re willing to turn the other cheek – Which might end up being a relative term.

Click here to learn more about the composition and the latest commercial that links it to cancer.

I had the pleasure of attending a Yuppie convention this past weekend - better known as the The Barclay’s Golf Tournament in the Posh NJ town of Ridgewood.  Actually, that’s incorrect, it’s ‘Ridgewood Country Club’ in the not-as-exclusive town of Paramus.  I suppose using the Ridgewood name is a clever ploy to charge more money.  Vive le Capitalism.

As I made my way through General Parking to the nearest make shift tram, I was stopped by an archetypal Yuppie who advised that cell phones were not permitted.  He wasn’t part of the staff, just a fellow groupie that was turned back at the gate for ‘carrying’.   My first response to the small crowd was “Oh my god, how will I survive’.  I said this more in mockery to illicit a chuckle (which it did), but part of me did fall into a momentary panic.  What if I need to look something up on the internet? How will I text message my friends and family?  What if there’s an emergency and not one of the other 100 Thousand spectators and staff could help me? 

I’m not even sure how I didn’t see the Cell phone ban coming,  if you’ve ever watched a tournament you know how deafly quiet it is when a Tour Player is in his backswing.  Imagine Sergio Garcia slicing his drive into the woods after his concentration was disrupted by an obnoxiously loud polytonic rendition of fur elise.  Anyway, after a friend and I literally stood there debating if we could beat the security check, we decided to heed his warning and begrudgingly return our lifelines to the safety of our vehicles. 

Obviously, within minutes, my dependency on the charms of Blackberry faded and I was absorbed in the wonder and beauty of the event.  As we made our way through the different holes I started to notice how pleasant it was.  Not only wasn’t I incessantly checking my e-mail like a pavlovian test case, but no one around me had their nose buried in their handset, or chatted loudly on a superfluous call.  More importantly, however, with large crowds moving about the grounds, nobody was distracted enough to cause foot traffic or general chaos.  As much as I relished this, it seemed incomprehensible that our generation lived two decades without such modern technological conveniences. 

I’m sure kids today think we’re part of the dark ages since we grew up withouth the Internet, Cell phones, and email.  For the first time I think i’m turning into my dad; I can start a story to my young cousins with ‘when i was your age, we didn’t have email – We had to walk up hill both ways in the snow to a mailbox!’  *gasp*

Yeah, I know it’s been a while since he died, but I really miss him.  Besides, this site wasn’t up when he died.

Who am I talking about?  Well George Carlin, of course…

No, I never met him.  He could have been a huge prick for all I know.  But that doesn’t change the fact that he was one of the greatest minds I’ve ever had the pleasure of learning from. 

So I guess this where I share some snippets of dialogue or pull a video from YouTube to show you my favorite bits from his stand ups.  Nope.  No need to.  You all know his stuff, and have your own favorite memories of him.  Why push my (questionable) tastes on you?

Instead, I’ll just say that the biggest reason why I’ll miss him is because no one else called “Bullshit!” like him.  He could find bullshit in anything and everything, not because he thought something might be full of shit, but because it actually was bullshit.  In media, manners, sex, race, legislation, politics, death – you name it.  He never worried about hurt feelings, censors or any other “sanity checks” we deem necessary to govern our lives.  He just lived his life, spoke his mind and called bullshit when he saw it.  And we loved him for it.

So as I finally come to the end of this little dedication to a great mind, the last thing I’ll put out there is – Who do we trust enough to call “Bullshit!” now that he’s gone?

Let me take you back a few years. Well, like 15 years to be exact. I was working at a large Wireless phone service provider in a major metropolitan area. My job was to take calls from people whose phones had been compromised and, essentially, be screamed at.

We were required to take 35 calls a day at a minimum. So I was required to be abused by customers at least 35 times a day.

Over the 2 years that I held this job, I quickly learned how to “defuse the angry customer” and, more importantly, keep my sanity while keeping an even keel. It was far too easy to let them get to you and lose your patience and/or temper – which helped no one, but least of all me. I needed beer money and couldn’t afford to lose a job.

I am going to share couple of stories from that time… Today’s lesson is about irrational behavior.

On this one fine day, I received a call from Mr. Cust. His phone had obviously been compromised and our standard procedure at the time was to change the customer’s phone number. The only way to do this was to manually reprogram the phone or have the customer take the phone to a store. Manually programming the phone required the phone to be shutdown and thus could not be done while talking on the phone.

Imagine yourself in his shoes – Wireless service was expensive. Few people had phones and those that did paid a lot and expected a lot. You try to place a call – most likely important – and you are routed to a customer service rep that tells you that you need to immediately change your number. The number most of your business colleagues have and the number you have probably had for quite a while at this point.

Yeah, he wasn’t happy either.

But as a professional (those that know me are allowed to laugh here) – I do my best to make things as easy as possible for Mr. Cust. I explain the situation. I assure him he will not be charged for any use that is not is – in fact I am willing to give him a whole month free (mainly because we are not able to give credit for calls at this point). He’s still not happy about changing his number.

I explain his options:
1) take the phone to a store and they will have you in and out in a matter of minutes.
2) call me directly from a landline phone and I will walk him through reprogramming.

he wants option 3) Reprogram the phone while he is talking to me on it.
He is very busy after all.

I very calmly explain why that is not possible and offer to call him at a number of his choosing at any time he would like. No good, he wants the phone reprogrammed now.

Again, I explain that it is not possible and his response is “I want my phone number changed now – walk me through it right now!”

I said , “ok sir – please press end” and he dutifully complied allowing me to be screamed at by 34 other irrational assholes that day.

As hard as I tried to make things easy for him and as much as I empathized with his situation he wanted extra – asking for something not technologically possible and refusing to accept that the person he was talking to might really be doing everything they could.

The moral here is that the customer is NOT always right – sometimes the customer is just too pissed off to think rationally.

I love the Earth.  After all, it’s where I keep all my stuff.

I love Nature.  I love hiking, going to the beach, site seeing, etc.  When I reflect on the most wondrous sites I’ve beheld in my short time on this earth, I think of the view of the Cascades from the Seattle Space Needle.  I think of the black sand beaches and coral reefs of Hawaii.  I think of the view of the Grand Canyon from an airplane 30,000 feet in the air.  I think of the lunar eclipse I witnessed a few years back right from my own backyard.  And hell yes, I love and appreciate the beautiful sand dunes at Island Beach State Park in NJ.  (That’s right.  New F’n Jersey!)

Anyway, as with most political movements, I question the “sincerity” of the current Green Movement.  It just seems to me to be a new way to make money. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for making money.  Legitimately.  And hell, this is America.  Everything comes with a price tag.  Not to mention, who wants to argue against wanting clean air, land and water?  That’s so Fox News (or in other words, just plain stupid). 

But the Green Movement is already trying to cash in not by offering super clean vehicles right now, or some revolutionary product or solution that makes a huge difference in our daily lives.  They’re cashing in on guilt.  That’s right.  They are trying to guilt you into spending money for clean shit because after all, it’s your dirty ass causing all the problems. 

Think I’m kidding?  Well check out www.carbonfund.org.  At this site, you can buy Renewable Energy Credits (or REC’s) to “offset” your Carbon Footprint.  Now, of course, they recommend that you should first “reduce your carbon footprint” as much as possible.  Then, for the remaining “footprints” or clouds of dirt your pigpen ass leaves, you can purchase these credits, which go towards investing in renewable energy things like wind and solar power and offsets the damage you do to the earth.  Damage like getting to work in the car to feed your family.  Buying a plane ticket to ride on a dirty plane to either complete a business deal or maybe take your family on a vacation, you evil bastard.

What’s wrong with that? 

Well, why isn’t the first step enough?  Yes, inflate your tires.  Shut off your lights at night.  Shut yer friggin computer off at night or during the day when you aren’t home. (Don’t worry. The porn will still be there.) Turn the thermostat up or down (depending on where you live and what time of year it is).  But why pay? I guess Al Gore is trying to make back all the money he missed out on when he created the internets? 

Honestly, if you really want to donate money to a green cause, that’s great!  And think about your local animal shelters and soup kitchens who truly help out in your area, and have been for decades.  They have, and currently contribute more to green causes than anyone.

Or, here’s an idea - Why not invest in green companies and get a RETURN ON YOUR INVESTMENT financially, as well as environmentally?  Sure, investing in the stock market is risky, but at least there is a chance of a financial return on your investment.  This sounds more compelling than just donating money and hoping some day in the not to distant future your electric car doesn’t raise your monthly electric bill by 200% (which, it most likely will).  Check out companies like SPWR, ESLR, ENER, etc. (Caution: investing comes with risk, so do your research before you jump in.)

Sure, I want my car to run on air or solar gizmos, or whatever.  But at the same time, I don’t want to go 0 – 60 in 34 seconds, either.  My daily commute on the Garden State Parkway is already long and hazardous enough.  I also don’t want to have to pay $3K every few years to replace the “batteries” in my $45K electric supercar. And I’m not going to feel guilty about this. 

Lastly, let me just go on record as saying I surely have no sympathy for oil companies, after the record profits they’ve been making.  I’ve seen just about every bill in my home go up 40 – 60% in the past few years thanks to rising costs of oil (and the oil pricks in the White House).  I do OK, but I can’t imagine how someone who makes under $40K a year can even get to work to make money to pay their bills when you not only factor in the rising cost of fuel, but the rising cost of everything else, like food, water, electricity, etc.

There were other times in history where establishments financially exploited the masses with guilt.  You need look no further than the Indulgences granted by the Roman Catholic Church.  Head on over to this post at Wikipedia, and look under the “abuse” section.

Ah.  Once again, history repeats itself.  Just a different guilt and a different pope.

We’re at the age now where we’re slowly realizing that we’re not as young as we used to be.  Our bodies ache a little more, we don’t remember as much, and we certainly can’t pull an all nighter like we used to.  I’m sure most of us are also battling a bit of the bulge, the only six pack we have is the Rolling Rock in the fridge. 

Given our active lifestyles, which, for most us involve juggling Careers, kids, and social agenda’s, exercise and even proper nutrition often get lost in the mix.  Thankfully, it’s not as hard as you think to make some changes and deflate the midsection Michelin.

5 Positive Changes for Weight Management:

1) Pay attention to calories.  Have an idea of how many you should eat per day, then learn how many are in your favorite foods.  I’m not asking you to count, but rather, just be ‘aware’.  Chances are, once you realize that a quart of your favorite ben and jerry’s is half a day’s allowance you might actually put the spoon down.

2) Drink Water.  Most of us are actually on the verge of dehydration.  We don’t get nearly the recommended amount of water each day.  This doesn’t mean suck down a six pack of Coke, you have to go for the real deal.  The best part? Our minds often mistake thirst for hunger, being properly hydrated will help you eat less.  Shoot for six 8oz glasses per day.

3)  Eat Breakfast . That’s right, EAT!  And enough with the bagel and juice, you don’t need to start your day with empty carbs and sugar.  Have an egg white omellete and whole grain toast.  Not only will this fuel your morning, it will get your metabolism going early.  You’re actually making matters worse by skipping breakfast.

4) Weigh yourself weekly.  When you know scale day is approaching you will generally be a bit more selective about what you eat.  Also, You always want to know which direction you’re headed.

5) Of course, Exercise.  It’s time we stop fooling ourselves with the ‘time’ excuse.  If you don’t have 20 minutes in a day you really need to consider a time management class.  The real excuse is that you don’t prioritize exercise correctly.  You don’t have to be a gym rat either, take a few Yoga or Calisthenics classes then continue on your own at home.

Ok, so I’ve been thinking about how to kick off my first post on this site.

Do I try to put something up to describe what a GenXer is? Do I dare attempt to define a generation that refuses to be defined? A generation that always sought out “the alternatives”?

Do I dare attempt to lay out requirements on what does or doesn’t make you GenX? Well, hell, if Generation X as a generation defining term is in dispute over at Wikipedia, who the fuck am I to lay down the ground rules? That won’t work.

Should I try to argue or whine about what is or isn’t GenX? Hell, that’s too predictable, and predictability is not becoming of a GenXer.

So, to kick shit off here, I guess I’ll just say – Hey, welcome. Feel free to dig around (I know, there isn’t much up here…yet) or feel free to reply to this with some topics you’d like to discuss.

Is it fun stuff, like toys games and gadgets? Fuck Yeah! They don’t call us “slackers” for nuthin!

Is it Music? Yeah, we’ve got opinions on that.

Is it Politics? Yeah, we can talk about that a bit.

Is it career advice? Yeah, we’ve got a ton of experience living in the cubical coal mine, so feel free to ask or kick off topics.

Is it raising your kids? Well, we can talk about it, but maybe that’s something we can all try to discuss and kick around as a subject.

Is it investing? Well, after the dot com era, most of us lost a ton of cash, but shit, maybe you can teach us a thing or 2.

Is it about Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster or the Chupacabra? AWESOME (Well for me, I’m a bit of a Cryptozoology junkie. Feel free to lol).

Basically, we want this to be as much about you as us. We’re gonna come here, spew shit that ticks us off, makes us happy, and might even embarrass us a bit, but fuck it. Why start caring now?