I am Pro-choice. Very much so. I believe that there are far too many variables involved for anyone other then the potential mother to make the decision to carry a child full term or not. Current medical rationale is that a fetus becomes “a person” when there is detectable high level brain activity. Pro-life advocates would argue that it is a life from the moment of conception. Neither definition takes into account any emotional attachment, emotional trauma, financial burden, family situation, religious obligations, etc…
My wife has had 2 miscarriages now, and given birth to a beautiful son with a third pregnancy.
The first miscarriage was shortly after we were married. There was come concern that we may not be able to have kids and the miscarriage was very early into the pregnancy – a few weeks. Nevertheless, the emotional impact was devastating to both of us as we pondered whether we would ever have kids naturally. We spent a lot of time talking about adoption and fertility clinics. It would turn out that there was no need for either.
About 10 months later, my wife was pregnant again and this time carried full term and gave birth to a 9.5lb baby boy. It was a completely normal pregnancy with no real drama or notable concerns. Our hopes were renewed and we then began talking about how many kids we wanted and how far apart. We agreed that two was plenty and we would wait until our son was at least a year old.
Well, right around his 18 month checkup my wife told me she was pregnant again. We were elated. Everything was on schedule – if there is such a thing with kids and babies. Talks this time were more focused on finances, furniture, diapers, rearranging rooms and that sort of thing. We had no assumptions that there would be any issues with the pregnancy and remained cautiously optimistic. We talked about names and agreed that the middle name, should it be a boy, would honor her father. The first appointment with her doctor would be right around 8 weeks and we felt that it best to keep the pregnancy to ourselves until then.
That appointment was a little while back. We laughed in the waiting room as we recalled various moments from her prior pregnancy. Once in the exam room, the mood was still very light hearted. Her doctor examined her and I stood by cracking jokes about the birthing experience of our son. We thought nothing of it when her Doctor asked us to “head upstairs for a sonogram tonight.”
I stood behind the technician as she performed the exam and watched as she took measurements and zoomed into various areas. Finally, she focused in on the fetus itself to measure it’s heart rate. I marveled at the image. The head was clearly visible and small arms were forming – I am always impressed by these glimpses into the development. Even though it was still very “tadpole” like, I couldn’t help but view the image as a swaddled infant – recalling those early days with our son.
It was with that image in my head that I nearly gasped as she typed “NO FHM” over the image. She turned the probe and went from another angle – zooming in to the swaddled baby developing in my wife’s womb and once again typed “NO FHM.”
My heart sank. I wasn’t sure if my wife saw my expression change, but she said nothing to me.
The technician asked my wife to get dressed and turned to us and said “The fetus looks to be about 7 1/2 weeks, but I can’t detect a heartbeat. I’m going to bring the results down to your doctor, but you should head back down there from here.”
I knew what it meant; I’m sure my wife knew what it meant. Neither of us acknowledged what it meant. We simply went downstairs where her doctor confirmed it and scheduled the D&C to remove the lifeless fetus from my wife.
The emotions that I felt were hard for me to justify. This was not technically “a life.” This was just some cells in the process of developing. Yet I felt like I had lost a child. I felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment and loss over that swaddled infant I had seen on the screen.
Her doctor explained things rationally. 50% of all pregnancies result in miscarriages. There was nothing we could do to prevent it. I remained composed through it all for my wife’s benefit but felt very conflicted internally. I couldn’t understand my own feelings well enough to adequately understand hers at this moment. It was not the devastating feeling of hopelessness that accompanied the first miscarriage. This was anguish.
So when does a fetus become a “life” or a “person?” I would argue that a fetus becomes a “person” when a parent feels an emotional attachment even if that occurs prior to detectable brain activity.(*) An emotional attachment can be due to religious beliefs, personal beliefs or anything else. In my case it was nothing more then an image. It is then up to the mother to determine if she can adequately provide for this child, give it up for adoption or terminate the pregnancy. Government, state or federal, should not be making that decision.
(*)The caveat has to be made that once medically determined to be a “life” a mother’s emotional attachment is no longer a factor in that decision.